Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Out with the new, in with the old. But better.

Eight years ago I was a new wife, a runner, avid pasta eater, skinny, with no self esteem or self worth. I have never been too much of a girly girl, and never felt I had a feminine bone in my body.  I walked hunched over to hide what some would call my lady lumps. However, finding them was like one of those posters you stare and squint until you see the unicorn..and then never see it. Yep, that was my chest. I was embarrassed, ashamed, and didn't feel like I would ever be a "real woman." I longed for a feminine presence when I entered a room. However I usually looked like a 12 year old in an old 5k t-shirt eating peanut butter toast and slamming an iced tea while tripping over my own two feet. Not sexy.

I saw pictures of women in magazines with these amazing bodies and it looked like they were so proud of the way they looked. They must have had some great self esteem because they looked perfect. What I wouldn't do to feel like I could walk into a room and hold my head up and shoulders back so proud of who I was. To be "sexy" was something I would never be called. I wanted to be perfect, just like all the models. That's what I needed, to change the way I looked.

So, after a year of thought I decided that breast implants were the way to go. Done. 

Fast forward to 2011. I started at Crossfit Central as a client in early 2008 as a weak, shy, always embarrassed, very nervous 27 year old woman. It took one year to become a coach. Two years of competing at the Crossfit Games. Three years of blood, sweat, and tears in the gym alongside the most fantastic people I have ever met. Three years to meet three of the best friends I will ever have. Three years and I am a completely different person. 

There is something about a group of women in the Crossfit gym working out and getting strong together. We get together and feel like we can accomplish anything.  Being strong is an amazing thing. No one can tell me what to think, what to do and what to feel. I am my own woman, person, and athlete. I adore my life, my job, and my clients. I can pick up heavy shit and open my own jars. You will not talk down to me, insult me, run over me, get in my way, or mess with my friends. I am strong, confident, and know I will be successful. 

I AM A WOMAN. 
I AM STRONG.
I AM SEXY.
I AM CROSSFIT.

This is what Crossfit has given me. This is what strength has given me. I do not know where I would be without it.  I don't need these implants anymore. They are gone. So when you see me at the gym looking a little smaller and different, don't stare. Just realize how powerful strength can be, and applaud it.










18 comments:

  1. That took a lot of courage to write that and I thank you for sharing it with the world. You are a strong beautiful woman-inside and out!

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  2. FUCKING awesome! chills, tears, lots of love! Thanks for sharing.

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  3. HELL YEAH!! We can take on the world. Thank you for taking a stand and being vulnerable to share!

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  4. That is so awesome. U and Crossfit have both dramatically kicked our asses and changed our lives! Our friends and life seem to just automatically revolve around it, but we love it and we love you :)

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  5. Sing it, sister! So excited of you more than you know. I too had implants (very very large ones :) for 9 years when I realized I wanted to be back in my own skin and was finally confident enough to do so. I never felt sexier having them REMOVED and never, not once have I regretted that decision. It takes courage and above all, SELF CONFIDENCE to do this. When I wrote about the removal of mine I spoke about being a much better hugger for having done so...that said, I'm going to go in for a *full body contact* hug when I see you....so prepare yourself :) Seriously, this is a big deal and speaks volumes. You are so supported... ;*

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  6. WOW! What an amazing amazing post, definitely got choked up reading this! I think this is an issue that the majority of women deal with at some point in their lives. Thank you so much for having the courage to share your story! Strength is Beautiful & SO Powerful! GO JEN! :)

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  7. Gorgeous post! Of course I'm brand new to CrossFit but I'm already loving the difference I see & feel with the camaraderie & positivity between such amazing women. Although it can be found on occasion with competitive Fitness, it so easily gets catty and a competition to compare who has the most f-ed up diet and did the most cardio.. screw that! I initially found the same confidence & strength when I started training to compete but then it also ended up resulting in a warped body image in the end. Thankfully I love where I'm at now and am thankful to have found you all!

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  8. Yay Jen!!!! SO amazingly proud of you!!!!! Strong, beautiful, sexy, and fucking awesome are words to describe you!! =).

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  9. Awesome Jen! Welcome back to the Ity Bity Tittie Committee! I've pondered making some alterations over the years and am so glad I stayed natural. Thanks so much for sharing. You are making such a positive impact on the women in our community.

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  10. It takes an enormous amount of courage to stand vulnerable in front of the world. You've simply displayed the depth of your courage yet again by writing it, posting it, and by walking tall without the mask of the implants. You're right, you don't need the implants anymore...there's too wonderful a person behind them to stay in the shadows any longer.

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  11. I have always thought of you as a strong and sexy; never shy and definitely not weak. I am so very proud of you and lucky to have you as a coach. Nice job JenC.

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  12. Wow. What an amazing story. Thank you for being willing to share. I am pretty new to CrossFit and it is amazing to see the support all of the women give each other. You are amazing and inspiring!

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  13. Love you Jen. Thank you for inspiring the world!

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  14. Wow Jen! Thank you for opening up to us all and sharing your story. You are truly an inspiration. You've shown how strength goes beyond the walls of the gym and how beauty is strength. I am proud to be a member of this community and proud to have you as my coach. AMAZING!

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  15. Great and inspiring post! :)

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  16. You are a beautiful human being! With the five months that I have known you through my Lean Lifting class, I have always known you to be an amazing teacher, strong, courageous, resilience, beautiful, sexy, and loving. You are an inspiration to me. As Oscar Wilde once said, “Be who you are. Everyone else is taken.” You have elevated me in so many different ways with what you do and who you become. Thank you for being my sensei and sharing your story.

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  17. That's an awesome story. You are such a strong/powerful woman I would never have thought you ever had an insecure bone in your body - it's inspiring to know how far you've come. Thanks for sharing that AND for being such a great coach!!

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